You might ask WHY fans were inspired to write term papers about their favorite BSQuties.  Well the answer is clear, Tracy Malloy, estemed Honors English 10 teacher, and now mother of one (1), truely laid the burden on our shoulders. She helped all to realize the impact a term paper can have on someones entire being. So please, take the following to heart.

Angela Zippilli
It's snowing and I'm bored.
19 January, 2002

One fateful day in 1984, 2 people got it on. Then, on an even more fateful day, March 26, 1985, Stuart Lawrence Vitagliano was born. The world has never been the same since. Not much of his early childhood is known of by his fans, except for the fact that at one point he was attempting to balance a pretzel on his nose, and succeeded. (Exhibit A)  I personally remember meeting this BSQutie in 6th grade, and hating him. He was extremely funny, yes, and chubby too (Exhibit B). He and I became archenemies in Mr. Dantinne's class, and I remember him making me cry at least once with his taunting meanness. I would also like to note that he wrote something extremely horrid about me in my 6th grade yearbook, and I have since then let him know that I did not appreciate that, and yes, he DID apologize (not without before laughing at what he wrote). On a side note, I would just like to say that Stuart and I are no longer archenemies, and are actually quite the opposite (archbestbuds?), and we no longer tease each other in a hateful way.   My next memories of Stuart are in 7th grade, but are not very clear, but I do remember finding myself hating him less as he must have been a little nicer, or something. The next memory of Stuart that stands out for me is him telling me about how he rearranged the keys on Mrs. Smith's keyboard and her yelling at him for affixing a gigantic cement-like spit-ball to her monitor which stayed there for weeks. Another great Stuart moment for all of us bandos is that of him throwing pepperoni around the stage during band, and Mr. Deloach being less than amused. Jackie recently claimed that he hit her with one of the said "pepperoni" He found this amusing.  Now, to get to my point, Stuart's gotten extremely hot since these early days. (Exhibit C) No one saw it as it was happening, but no one can deny that somewhere in these last few years, there was definitely a Hotness Metamorphosis (Tracy Malloy would like to point out that this did not entail him turning into a giant cockroach and his parents throwing apples at him and making his guts fly all over. I would like to note that though that didn't happen, Stuart would probably like to become a huge cockroach so that he could yell that he was one in the following fashion, "I AM A HUUUUUUGE COOOCK..roach!!!!!").   The chub went away, and was replaced with jawbones that could carve a pumpkin, and cheekbones that could carve a turkey. I must say I feel sorry for Olga, because no width of child-bearin' hips can account for bearin' such a chisled face. These two extremely hot aspects of his facial bone structure combined create the dimpled cheek craters of lovin' (Exhibit D). These lovely indentations can make any girl swoon, and have been determined to be the key to his hotness.  One important point that must be made is that Stu is widely accepted as the new holder of the title of "Hottest BSQutie". Proof of this acceptance can be seen in the BSQ fansite's very own guestbook, in which Stacy Dutka pleads with Stuart to become a model. I must say that if he did, I would not complain. After learning of this rearrangement of the hotness order, one Suzanne Adams commented, "I'm confused, I thought BEN was supposed to be the hottest one? I don't know!" For Ben's sake, it must be brought to attention that Ben has by no means declined in hotness (Exhibit E), but Staurt darm well reached levels previously unknown of "hottie mcfhottie with a mad hottie body-ness" and has done so without any traces of goonality being detected in his physique (unlike our beloved Ben).  I leave you all now to ponder, and as always, to bask in the glow of, the unspeakable cuteness of the rest of the BSQuties and the BSQ as a whole. Happy basking, and for Harry Landrum's sake, don't forget your sunglasses!

Sources that should have been cited:
"A 3-D Analysis of Stuart Vitagliano's Face" (caution, this book contains sharp
bones and should be kept out of reach of children), 2001

I'm Confused: 100 Things that would baffle Suzanne Adams, 1999

"Who's Hotter? the game from Milton-Bradley, which was established by Jackie Sparacino and Angela Zippilli

Angela Zippilli
July 21, 2001

A Further Evaluation of Unspeakable Cuteness

My mission, and yes I have chosen to accept it, is to further glorify my love and devotion to each and every member of the BSQ and possibly outline some more of their qualitites that make them oh so BSQutieLicious. Now I will go through them, in backwards alphabetical order by middle name.

In which case, I will be starting with Timothy S. Hussey (and what a hussy he is). Let the cuteness commence! He shows off his mad macking skills with a nameless chick in the hallways for probably an elapsed time of 20 minutes a day (note that none of the BSQ members have been able to figure out who this nameless girl is, but we have onfirmed that it is not by any means his "girlfriend"). This mackage in itself makes one salivate. Just the thought of a BSQutie performing such a private act in such a public place makes people wonder what he would do in a private place. Oh, and the possibilities are endless. But we won't even go there. Besides the PDA factor, this BSQ member is considerably cute on his own. Those blue eyes that are always smiling, those lips that would win a mud-wrestling match with the lips of Angelina Jolie, and that effervescent (or carbonated, if you will) personality that you can't help but chuckle (at the very least) when around it. Thus ends the charming appeal of the Hussmeister.